To the Gentlemen:
Do not punish an innocent woman for what another woman did to you. It is not fair. I remember dating a gorgeous guy who was very insecure around me. He made it very difficult for me to share his essence and I couldn't figure out his problem. Then one fateful day, in a heated argument he told me that he was tired of women dumping him for greener pastures. Of course I was shocked because I had no idea he had low self-esteem but relieved that it wasn't my fault that he was not committing to our relationship. I understand that some men cannot handle deception well and rather than deal with another woman for the fear of another disappointment they bail out on love entirely. But one cannot be insecure because of past hurts; instead it should make you more cautious in your next relationship.
Another insecurity I have noticed is that some men fear independent women because they cannot be controlled. Of course I can expect this kind of behavior if a man was raised in a home where the women were controlled and not encouraged to have a voice, attend school or work. But this is the 21st century and women are doing it all and loving it. In my opinion, if a man respects his woman and plays his role as the hunter and provider, he does not need to be insecure because his woman will respect him and be submissive to him. I feel that sometimes men want a woman who is insecure and less assertive because she is easier to control, but even insecure women become strong and fight back to regain their self-esteem. Even the men who love independent women let their insecurities get the best of them when the woman starts earning more money or rising higher in society. Either way, women should not be taken for granted because we love wholeheartedly and will move heaven and earth to take care of our loved ones. A man should seek and find a woman that compliments his personality and work very hard at building a loving relationship. I can't speak for all women but I can tell you for sure that I respect men who respect women. I know it takes a strong man secured in his manhood to love and respect a woman equally strong and I commend all the wonderful men out there loving and cherishing their women.
"…I know it takes a strong man secured in his manhood to love and respect a woman equally strong and I commend all the wonderful men out there loving and cherishing their women…"
To the Ladies:
In my opinion, as women, our weakness is being oblivious to the fact that we love men who do not love us in return. Trust me, I've been there and done that! God made us strong and able to carry on with life regardless of our trials and tribulations. Men know our weakness is companionship, and they use that to punish us. In our weakness we often lose our dignity because we always want "a man" in our lives.
It is hard to make decisions when we are dependent on men; this is why God has blessed us with the opportunity to have an education and career. Focus on reaching your goals in life and men will respect you as an individual and not just as "a woman". I am not encouraging the "independent woman theme"; I am only saying that women should reach their goals in life for their own self-confidence and worth. Back in the days, some of our mothers stayed home, maybe by choice or due to circumstances beyond their control. These days, we can decide to stay home or work. Either way we are contributing to the family and society.
I decided to stay at home for five years to have my children and take care of my family. It was very challenging and fulfilling. I must admit that it was hard for me to adjust to being a stay at home mom and wife because I was used to working and earning money. It was humbling to be cared for by husband and I had a learning experience in motherhood. In all, I loved playing wifey and mommy. But now I'm ready and excited to go back to work and school because I understand that it is okay to have a family and pursue a career. Most importantly, my husband supports me and though sometimes he has his captain caveman mentality moments, we always talk things through and we reach a compromise that benefits both parties. Men love women who can be independent and submissive but it is left to us to figure out how to manage the two. I realized a long time ago that one cannot be too independent or too submissive because there has to be a balance of the two.
"…expect the possibility of growing old with someone you truly love and believe that through thick and thin you can survive every storm that comes your way…"
In my opinion, when a woman is not secure with herself, she will always be a doormat to any man who treats her poorly. We are worthy of love and respect because they have been ordained in our relationships. We only have our integrity left and if taken away from us, we are worthless. So love yourself first and men will love you in return. Do not be afraid of loneliness because it is a sign from God to re-evaluate your life and figure out what type of man you want in life. I can speak about these issues because it comes from my experiences, trials, tribulations and VICTORY!! Remember that your help comes from the Lord. Insecurities should not hinder you from loving a man because of your past experiences. There are good men out there who know how to love and respect their women. Some men are still very traditional in their beliefs but at the end of the day we get to choose who we want. Please do not expect perfection in a man, just expect the possibility of growing old with someone you truly love and believe that through thick and thin you can survive every storm that comes your way….