s I sailed through singlehood, the thought of being a wife and mother seemed so far away until my friends got married and they all said the same thing “Ngoma you are next”! The moment it became clear that it was time to move from singlehood to wifehood, I was nervous and excited at the same time. To be honest, I loved being single but I knew it was time to say goodbye to my single days and embrace a life that will propel me to a new level of womanhood. This is my reality as a wife and mother!

When people say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, they do not mean it literally. Nobody ever tells you about the great expectations and challenges rooted in the culture of marriage. Do not get me wrong, there is joy in marriage but it’s a different kind. When you are single, you are responsible for yourself and not burdened by the daily activities of marital responsibilities. Some cases may differ but I know I felt the difference in expectations when I became a wife. First, my darling husband quickly changed from being my boyfriend to becoming my Oga (Boss) and like magic I saw myself acting like my mother. It was a rough transition because I was used to living alone and now, my space was permanently invaded. Of course, there were unnecessary arguments and new discoveries that we both hid from each other until we got married. Looking back now I laugh at those moments because though we dated for four years before getting married, we were still strangers in our marital home. We had to start all over again to get to know each other as husband and wife.

There are many layers in marriage that I have experienced in the last three years and each layer had its challenges and rewards.

I realize that I won’t win every battle or appease everyone; so I don’t sweat the small stuff. For example, we have an unspoken agreement that he hangs out with his friends once or twice a week and I go shopping on the weekends while he takes care of our baby. Marriage involves a lot of compromises because the welfare of the family comes first and you find yourself making sacrifices at work and in friendships. The choices are tough but at the end of the day, my family comes first!

Sometimes I feel over worked and not always appreciated but after a little guilty trip on my husband about not sending me flowers anymore or candy like he used to do during our courtship, he goes overboard with the display of affection. Marriage is not perfect and the challenges we face everyday brings us closer together as a family. One thing I have learned along the years is to keep God present in my family because He alone can prosper a marriage and keep it blissful in His sight. I try not to make the same mistakes my predecessors made in their marriages but even some mistakes are inevitable. So when I fall, I always find the grace to get back up to continue the journey.

Motherhood took me by surprise because nothing in the world prepared me for the task ahead. I didn’t know what to expect as a mother and I had to experience motherhood on my own. One thing I must say is that I haven’t slept since my son was born and I know this will continue until all my children have left the nest.

I can’t sleep at night because I wake up every other hour to check if he is breathing properly and to make sure he hasn’t fallen out of his crib. As a mother, I am the last to go to bed and the first to wake up in the morning. So it’s goodbye to sleep and hello to insomnia.

Gosh!! Can I talk about my son’s tantrums? He used to be a quiet baby until he turned ten months and became a wailing energizer bunny. I mean the tears keep rolling and we just stare at him like we are going to have a nervous break down by the time he is done oppressing us. One time at a wedding, the boy yelled, cried and eventually threw up on us. AH!! I was weak and I started crying because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have a change of clothing and we all smelled like vomit!! We had to leave immediately and guess what? The minute we got into the car my son stopped crying and started laughing saying “goo-goo gaa-gaa”. I didn’t know whether to laugh or pinch him for putting us through that ordeal. Of course, this happened several times at other events and we decided not to allow him interrupt our outings. Don’t even get me started on the “poop” accidents and wardrobe malfunctions during breastfeeding!! His tantrums continue and I am always prepared with a change of clothing and loads of towels!

My world revolves around my son. I have become one of those mothers who clip coupons for sales and sing along with their kids when “Sesame Street”, “Mickey Mouse Club House” and “Barney” comes on television. My sex life has slowed down tremendously because I’m tired and desperately seeking sleep. So you can imagine when the baby falls asleep we are scrambling to get it on before he wakes up, (Ha ha ha)! It’s amazing how a baby can change ones life so quickly. Everything is a privilege now because our baby boy is top priority. I find myself worrying constantly over my son and following my instincts when things do not seem right in his health and general well being.

I am truly blessed for having a wonderful family and even with the surprising drama thrills and busy schedules, the end result is always rewarding. To see my family healthy, happy and prosperous is the best Mother’s Day gift. I am grateful to God, my family and friends who support and encourage me during my challenges. It’s a fast paced life being a wife and mother and I give kudos to all the mothers out there doing a great job raising their families.

Ngoma E. Iroabuchi-Moghalu,
BA., MA.